Monday, July 30, 2012

Oh Canada!

I apologise for my recent lack of posts. Also, the insane state of my spelling these days. It's become a hodge podge of British and Canadian and I just frankly don't know how anything is spelled (spelt?) at this point. So bear with me friends!

I haven't posted as a result of a sort of paralysis that set in for a while of indecision. In June my initial contract here ended and I was offered a renewal. I made the choice to renew it, but also give notice that I would finish out the school year. After that, who knew?

I have made the choice to go back to Canada. The great thing about airplanes is that they go more than one way and I think that what I need is to go back to my roots, and the family I call friends, and the people and country that I love so that I can get my head on straight and my shit sorted out.

My end life goal is to be back home, so I figure why not start now.

The thing about Singapore is that life here is incredibly easy. You don't even realise how clean and efficient things are until you go somewhere else and you find yourself horrified at how hard it is to use public transport, or that there is litter on the street.

Life in Singapore is also never changing. That might sound weird for a vibrant, fast paced Asian nation, but it feels true to me. I feel that in many ways I've been in some sort of a dream and it doesn't feel like it's been my real life I've been living. The sun rises and sets at 7 every day, 365 days a year. The sun is almost always out, or it's raining. The temperature doesn't change and it just keeps going. It's wildly safe, and clean and feels like some sort of bubble.

These things are all great. I had a discussion the other day about how my students have no conception of racism. They say horrible things sometimes because they honestly don't really get what oppression is or how terribly it hurts. I feel like if the worst problem we face with our kids is that they don't understand suffering, then Lee Kuan Yew has done one hell of a job.

That being said, the artist in me (not to sound pretentious and all fancy-pantsed, my artistry is some sort of  combination of ruminating on the Internet and busting it out on stage) feels as though she has been trapped in stasis. I feel like the person I am in my heart hasn't really had much of a chance to shine here. I miss theatre, live music, Canadian manners and poutine.

I know that going back will be fraught with its own set of challenges and that at some point I will find myself poor, cold and cranky in the dead of winter, cursing the greyness of it all wondering why on earth I left this tropical paradise on the equator. But I guess the reason is soul.

I'm not saying I won't come back, or find my way to another overseas teaching opportunity at some point. My heart still burns for London, but for now, I think the best course of action is to enjoy the time I have left here and to go back home and get my head on straight.

It's funny, but going home feels like the scarier option. What a state we are in that being in home base seems more terrifying than living on the other side of the planet. But it is. I think going back is going to take some balls (or ova, which we all know I have in spades).

Canada. I miss you. I miss my loves, my friends, my family. I miss my country, my streets, my culture. I miss manners, and customer service and art.

In this year and a half, I've had opportunities I could never have dreamed of. I've had grown up income, I've learned how to dress like a woman, appreciate insane fashion, keep my mouth shut (that's a tough one for me by the way), live truly on my own, cope with lonliness, be a real teacher, accept other cultures, cope with 12 hour flights like a boss. I've been motorcycling through Saigon, sunbathing in Hong Kong, swimming in Indonesia, rangering teens in Malaysia, dancing in London, eating in Singapore, exploring in Beijing. I've pushed myself to the limit and found that I can do this. But just because I can, doesn't mean I have to.

I've done myself proud, and I'm eternally grateful for the experiences I've had. And I can't wait to touch down on home soil again and hug the stuffing out of the people who matter most in my life.


Saturday, June 23, 2012

One

Well, Ben's back in Canada. He left on Thursday morning in a pile of tears at Changi Airport and so ended the six months of awesome times we had living here in Singapore again and begins Chapter 1,000 of Long Distance Relationship: Bea and Ben Edition.

I knew it was coming from the day he got here, but man did it suck. I've tried doing the grateful for him being here, positivity, sunshine and flowers thing, but sometimes you have to be authentic and say, this sucks some ass.

Since my first boyfriend when I was 16, I've shown myself to be one of those all or nothing types. Even when I try to be all independent and aloof, it only works for a little while. When I love someone, I really, really love them and it's true with Ben. It's really really hard for me to be away from him and also just to face being alone again. Without Iain here, I feel like I'm just about on my own here in Singapore.

Of course, that's the maudlin, teenaged kind of response and when I look at the reality, I have some really lovely people here in Singapore who care about me. Kyla and Matt have been awesome about keeping me busy and my roomates have invited me for Dim Sum breakfast today. I always feel all emo and alone right before people come along that I wouldn't expect and offer me some support and kindness.

So I'm going to try my best to just pick myself up and try not to be too upset about it. I'll be home in 6 months and the reality is that this long distance thing is probably going to be our reality for a while. The job market for teachers in Ontario isn't looking any brighter from what I've been hearing and I'm going to continue to look for job in England and at International Schools, so the reality is that this might continue for a while.

I just have to know that I'm a really lucky person because I have someone awesome that loves me, who was willing to come to Asia for 6 months to be with me and who is a rockstar at speaking Mandarin (and will get into fights with jerks in Mandarin on my behalf) and who is going to be a University student in the Fall, and that I am just really damn proud of. Oh, he also goes on upsidedown roller coasters, so he's kind of a big deal. Just so you know.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Vietnam: Ho Chi Minh City

We just got back from Vietnam last night, and it was a great trip. I'm really glad we did it.

It was a nightmare getting started, from the deal.com fandango to the visa fiasco, it felt like the universe was standing in the way of us getting onto that plane. But, once we were in Ho Chi Minh city I started having a lot of fun.

An American friend of mine recommended that I read Vietnam: An Oral Biography before we went because honestly, I didn't know shit about Vietnam or the war. That books was a great thing to read, it gave me an idea about the conflict from so many perspectives and I understood so much more when we did things like go to the War Remnants Museum and go to the Reunification Palace and the Cu Chi tunnels.

I loved the moto culture, there were constant motorcycles buzzing around everywhere you went, crossing the street you look out for motos and you just go, they move around you and you do your best to move around them. The cars are like guests on the streets because they are mainly owned by the motos. No one seems to go too fast on them, Ben rented one and we went about 30 km/h most of the time, but you still can get around really easily on them. We saw people carrying massive loads of things on their bikes that you would think would be physically impossible.

It also wouldn't be Vietnam without lots and lots of prostitutes, it made me feel sort of ashamed of our Western men. There are so many "Beauty Salons" with hordes of scantily clad women in high heels waiting for a man to come along. It makes me sad that they are forced usually by economic circumstances into a life of servicing depraved, desperate men from the West. I think it's a huge industry and something that is rather gross about our culture that spills over into theirs.

It was also strange to be in this communist country that blocks Facebook and doesn't have McDonald's or Starbucks, but there is still Coke everywhere and the people are calling out to you in English to come into their restaurants where they have Italian, Mexican. American, French, Vietnamese and Chinese food all on the menu.

I guess that's the product of globalization and a people who will do anything to survive, including live in the tiniest, most claustrphobic underground tunnels you can imagine for weeks at a time to make it.

I think this trip has been my favorite Asian trip, I loved just walking down the streets in Vietnam and riding on the moto with Ben through the night is a memory I will have for the rest of my life. I guess it just goes to show you that it's not always the trips that you think will be good that turn out like that, sometimes it's a surprise but it's just what you needed.

My photos are here: http://s1105.photobucket.com/albums/h343/Bea_Jolley/Facebook/Vietnam%202012%20Ho%20Chi%20Minh%20City/

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Vietnam

Wow, I am not enjoying the new Blogger, but change is the only constant so what are ya gonna do?

I again haven't written in a while and I'm sorry, I think the shiny newness of living in Asia wore off a long time ago so the need to write about my experiences has dwindled as the new ones ceased happening.

Ben is still here, he is leaving to return home at the end of the month and that is all kinds of crappy. I know that he needs to go back to keep his life going but I will miss him a lot and going back to long distance relationship hell is not my idea of a good time.

Before he goes back we are planning to go to Vietnam for a few days on what was supposed to be a cheap and easy vacation booked through deal.com, but has ended up being somewhat costly and hassle-y but that's what you get sometimes when you think you're getting a deal and I'm choosing to look forward to the experience and not bitch about it too much.

We have done a bunch of things here in Singapore in the last few months that I had yet to do, such as going to Universal Studios at Sentosa which was fun. The last thing I've always wanted to do and haven't got around to doing yet is going to the Botanic Gardens, which I hope we manage to do before he goes back.

Generally, I've been working lots and looking into teaching prospects for the new year. There is supposed to be an International Teaching Fair in Bangkok in November so I'm going to research that, I am also working with an agency in the UK that hires Canadian teachers to work over there but so far I've been rather underwhelmed with their ability to communicate with me/get me jobs as promised so we'll see what happens there. England is still something I would really love to do for a while, but if I could get a good position at an International school I think that would be fantastic right now. International schools in general seem to be a really good match for my teaching style and teaching philosophy and the chance to work in a context with so much diversity would be really interesting and challenging to me which interests me. But, we'll see. Only time will tell where I end up next.

I am still dead-set on travelling to Japan, Ben and I couldn't manage to make it work while he was here but I am shooting for going in September now I think when I get a term holiday. Either way, I really want to make that happen before I go back to Canada.

Aside from a trip to Batam, Indonesia which you can get to by ferry from Singapore and another day trip into Malaysia with my school for a staff bowling day, there has not been much to write home about. Which I suppose is a good thing.

I'll keep y'all posted and write about my trip to Ho Chi Minh.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Hello dear blog.

It's been a while, and for that I apologise. I've been agonising over the decision about what to do next. This week I got my contract renewal offer for Singapore with a window of only 5 days to decide what to do, so I'm sure you can imagine there has been a lot of angst.

On one hand, a big part of me wants to finally be able to go home. I miss Canada, and my friends and my family. I miss my country and Shopper's Drug Mart and poutine. I have been growing increasingly more fong of the idea of being able to spend a summer at home and to be able to take the plane trip home with Ben in June when his course ends. However, pragmatism has won over idealism. (I know, this doesn't sound much like me.)

Working and teaching in Singapore has been a fantastic opportunity for my first teaching year. If I'd stayed home, I would have spent this year in all likelihood battling it out for supply teaching, or LTOs, and more than likely still working at Starbucks and hating my life.

Instead, I've had the experience of living in Asia, as well as the chance to travel to Hong Kong, Malaysia, China, England and Indonesia as well as of course, Singapore. I've also been able to have a mentor and the benefit of being in the Skilled Teacher program that has taught me so many valuable teaching skills to better my pedagogy and manage my classrooms.

The few things that are really missing for me are of course being home and being able to teach drama. Which is what I started out this whole teaching thing to do in the first place.

That all being said, I know I have mentioned before that I am looking to England to be my next move. However, I don't have a position there yet as the main hiring round for September happens in May.

I've decided to finish out this school year. I don't like starting something and not seeing it through and I've done so much work already with my Drama students for their production this year, and with my form class as well as my subject classes that a part of me would not feel right about leaving.

Also, the idea of leaving a job without having a new one to replace it just seems silly in this economy. I put my hopes on England once before and I was let down, sorely. I'm coming at it again this time with more experience and hopefully more to recommend me for a position as well as the experience of living abroad.

So, it looks like I will be in Singapore until December, unless a wonderful job in England comes my way that starts in September. This means that in June when Ben leaves, I will not be on the plane with him.

It was incredibly hard living here without him before and I think it will be even more painful having had the chance to share 6 months together and then to go back to it.

But, I'm nothing if not strong and I've got some good friends here. I also want to take as many opportunities to travel in Asia as I can with the time that I have left.

I will of course keep you all posted on how things develop. I wish I could be writing some inspiring missive about how I'm going for my dreams and taking a leap, but everyone I talk to who's working in teaching tells me to hold on to any position I have like grim death and I'm inclined to agree with them. Maybe being an adult means having to do things like this, but hey, I have a good job in a great country so I really shouldn't complain about staying for a while longer, right?

Next step, plan a trip to Batam for the weekend again because there's a lovely beach resort I went to with some friends that Ben and I are going to return to for the upcoming long weekend, and plan a trip to Japan for Ben and I before he goes back to Canada in June. At least there's that to look forward to, and really, how many people can say that?

Sunday, March 25, 2012

China and Malaysia

This month I had the chance to travel to both China and Malaysia, so I figure I ought to write about both experiences.

First, Ben and I decided to go to China for a few days over my term break because he's wanted to go back since he left and I've always wanted to see China, especially since knowing Ben and hearing him talk about it so passionately. We decided to go to Beijing because I really wanted to see the Great Wall and I figured I saw Stonehenge this year, why not add another Wonder to my list?

We were only able to go for four days, but I think it was good because it made sure that we didn't just spend the whole time sleeping, which honestly is how I would have enjoyed spending my time because the work load here in Singapore for teachers varies from inhumanly psychotic to even more inhuman.

Being in Beijing was a very interesting experience for me and it sort of showed me just how not badass I've been in living in Singapore. Singapore has some of the culture, for sure, but it's simply not as incredibly different as it is in China. The challenge for me in being there was both that I don't speak the language and had to rely on Ben, that the culture is so different that I found it sometimes frustrating and that I had quit smoking two weeks before hand so I was already prone to fits of frustration. All that being said, Ben handled it like a champ and we got the chance to eat some fantastic meals and see some beautiful sights.

We went to the Forbidden City, which was the Emperor's Palace back in the Dynasty days and it is huge and beautiful. March is a bit of a crappy time to go I think because the beauty of the gardens is somewhat lessened by crappy weather. That being said, it's good climbing the Great Wall weather because it's not too hot, I don't want to imagine what that would be like in the sweltering sun.

It was a short trip but I did enjoy it and I'm glad to be able to say that I've been to China. I can't say I completely get what all the fuss is about that Ben is so in love with, partially because the culture and language are so different, but the nice thing is that I do notice my comprehension of Mandarin increases every week with me learning a few new words that I can at least identify while people are talking.

Then it was back to Singapore for about a day and off on a two day, one night learning journey with my students to Malaysia. I found the trip really interesting, we went to plantations to see where crops like rubber, pineapple, rice, palm oil and coffee are grown as well as touring Melaka and learning about this incredibly historic city that has been ruled by the Portuguese, Dutch and English leading to some really interesting combinations of food, culture and architecture.

Now it is back to school and more insane work. My contract ends in June which is starting to be really soon and I am working with a few agencies in the UK on finding a drama teaching job to start either in January or September. Depending on what happens with that I am going to see what I can negotiate with the MOE here in terms of extending my contract to finish out the school year in Singapore, or have to leave when it ends.

Either way, I am fairly certain my next step will be living in England, even if only for a short while. I'm not sure still where Ben will be going but it will probably be Canada or China and I'll have to sort out what I do next with that in mind. However, since I was a young girl I've always wanted to live in England and I think it would be a true disservice to myself if I didn't take up that opportunity now while it's so ripe before I come back home or go for a new adventure somewhere else.

If you want to see my pictures from China and Malaysia, there are in my photobucket account, which you can access here:

http://s1105.photobucket.com/albums/h343/Bea_Jolley/Facebook/Beijing%202012/

http://s1105.photobucket.com/albums/h343/Bea_Jolley/Facebook/Learning%20Journey%20Malaysia%202012/

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Beijing!

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, I'm finding with an added two hours every day of commuting due to the location of my new flat that I am more often than not completely exhausted at the end of the day and I barely have time to think let alone post on my blog.

The good thing is that next week is our March holiday, and even though I long ago learned that they don't believe in holidays in Singapore, I managed to get a flight and hotel booked to go to Beijing with Ben for a few days. I'm going to get to see the Great Wall of China and finally see what all the fuss is about with Ben and his love of China.

I'm looking forward to getting away for a few days and to going on holiday with Ben for the first time.

On the job front, things are intense and busy and exhausting. My contract ends in June and I am supposed to hear from the Ministry about a contract renewal offer in April. In the meantime I am exploring drama jobs in high schools in London. I started out the whole overseas teaching thing wanting to go to England so I thought I owe it to myself to continue to look at what options would be possible there. Now that I've been able to actually go to London I know that I would love living there for a year or two so we'll see what happens. I'm also thinking about possibly working in Beijing, my friend Iain is looking at jobs there and Ben might like to go to school in China so that would be a way for us to be together. That being said, I'll see how I like China while I'm there and if I think it is somewhere that I could see myself living.

Ok, I'm going to go continue relaxing and enjoying my Sunday, as I had to work on Saturday and even though Monday is the first day of our "holiday" I have an all day meeting for the English department to attend tomorrow. Oh well, Tuesday morning we leave for China!