I really don't mean to by punny because frankly, I feel pretty terrible right now. Yesterday my relationship with Ben ended and I find myself on this island and no longer with the lifeline back to Canada that was Ben. I used to talk to him at least once and sometimes twice a day and I always had someone to share my day with and to hear about what life was like back home. In some ways that may have been a bad thing for me because it meant I was always living my life partways back there. However, losing that is devastating.
This isn't my first breakup, and the way life seems to be going for me I doubt it will be my last. It seems that it's impossible to find a person who won't let you down but that might just be my jaded experience talking right now. The thought of being single is actually overwhelming to me right now and also a little bit scary but possibly in time I will move to embrace it.
As it stands now, I am nursing my emotional wounds, doing my best to take care of myself and mourning the loss of one of the best friends I've ever had. While I hope that we will be able to be friends I know that for the next little while I'm going to have to really figure out how to do this alone.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Expat Life
I have resisted the expat lifestyle since I got here, saying that if I wanted to meet more people like me I would have stayed home. But I will tell you this, meeting friends in Singapore has been a bitch. Meeting Singaporean friends that is. I don't know why, I'm not saying Singaporean aren't nice or friendly, they just don't seem to want to be my friend. Expats on the other hand, are always willing to invite you along. We are a group of displaced persons so we are quick to welcome newbies and there's an innate understanding we all have of how the others feel because none of us are really "home."
I told Ben when he was here that you realize how many different types of white people there are when you live abroad because you see people who look like you and you think "awesome, people like me!" and then you hear them talking and they are speaking Dutch, or German, or French or some other crazy language, or they are speaking English with an Australian, or Kiwi, or British accent and you realize that they probably aren't really just like you at all. And that's something I actually really like.
It's made a big difference having more people to hang out with because during the week my life is an insane day to day battle to keep my head above the water and not drown utterly in the million and one things I have to do. They say your first year teaching is the hardest and I can also tell you that the work load of a Singaporean teacher is just insane. They have a huge problem keeping teachers in the profession here because they burn out usually in about 3 to 4 years and really it's no wonder with 40 kids to a class, homerooms, Lesson Study, Department meetings, setting exam papers, marking, CCA duties and every other extra administrative task that is passed to you, not to mention the courses and extra training we are always going for. Don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful to have my job and I love doing it, but holy moses is the workload here intense. And people keep smiling and saying that I'm currently "off-loaded" because it's my first year. If this is easy, I don't want to see hard.
So you see it is all the more important that on the weekends I can go to the beach with some friends and fall asleep in the sun and forget about the insane pile of marking waiting for me when I come home. And it's all the more important that I have my trip to Hong Kong for next month booked. I will make sure to post lots of pictures and tell you all about it!
I told Ben when he was here that you realize how many different types of white people there are when you live abroad because you see people who look like you and you think "awesome, people like me!" and then you hear them talking and they are speaking Dutch, or German, or French or some other crazy language, or they are speaking English with an Australian, or Kiwi, or British accent and you realize that they probably aren't really just like you at all. And that's something I actually really like.
It's made a big difference having more people to hang out with because during the week my life is an insane day to day battle to keep my head above the water and not drown utterly in the million and one things I have to do. They say your first year teaching is the hardest and I can also tell you that the work load of a Singaporean teacher is just insane. They have a huge problem keeping teachers in the profession here because they burn out usually in about 3 to 4 years and really it's no wonder with 40 kids to a class, homerooms, Lesson Study, Department meetings, setting exam papers, marking, CCA duties and every other extra administrative task that is passed to you, not to mention the courses and extra training we are always going for. Don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful to have my job and I love doing it, but holy moses is the workload here intense. And people keep smiling and saying that I'm currently "off-loaded" because it's my first year. If this is easy, I don't want to see hard.
So you see it is all the more important that on the weekends I can go to the beach with some friends and fall asleep in the sun and forget about the insane pile of marking waiting for me when I come home. And it's all the more important that I have my trip to Hong Kong for next month booked. I will make sure to post lots of pictures and tell you all about it!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Surfin!
The group of people I met at the barbecue last weekend have quickly become a sort of gang of friends and we went to Sentosa to check out the Wave House this National Day holiday. I had a lot of fun trying to learn how to surf and spending time with some really cool and interesting people in the expat community. One guy I was talking to said he had a bit of a hard time when he first got here meeting people because he found it hard to make friends with locals but the expats were really welcoming, so I guess that seems to be the way to go.
Some of the people we were hanging out with are really impressive, going to Cambridge and MIT, there were pilots and bankers and photographers and dudes working for UPS. It's nice to meet people who aren't all teachers and who come from different backgrounds. Some are Swedish, American, Malaysian, Croatian, and the list goes on.
Surfing was kind of hard, you have to be ready to fall and my main problem was that my bathing suit kept coming off, luckily in the crazy wave pool part where no one can see you so it wasn't so bad. I just really enjoyed being on the beach, enjoying the sun and having nice people to hang out with. I have the world's weirdest sunburn today because I decided to be independent and put sunscreen on my own back, so there's a red patch in the middle where I couldn't reach.
Today I feel sort of sad and crappy again today which sucks because yesterday I was incredibly happy. I guess it's all one day at at time. The stressful thing is everyone asking me what I'm going to do when my contract is over and me not having a super good answer. I know that if I go back to Canada it will be hard to find a job and to survive, especially because I have no place of my own to go back to and pretty much a few boxes of books to my name. The last thing I want to do is to go back to Starbucks and there are lots of reasons to stay in Singapore or to stay Internationally teaching, but at the same time I do really miss home and want to be with Ben again. The big question here is what do you do when the contract is over and I guess the answer will come slowly and form itself. I just wish I had a better answer to give people than to smile and laugh and shake my head.
Some of the people we were hanging out with are really impressive, going to Cambridge and MIT, there were pilots and bankers and photographers and dudes working for UPS. It's nice to meet people who aren't all teachers and who come from different backgrounds. Some are Swedish, American, Malaysian, Croatian, and the list goes on.
Surfing was kind of hard, you have to be ready to fall and my main problem was that my bathing suit kept coming off, luckily in the crazy wave pool part where no one can see you so it wasn't so bad. I just really enjoyed being on the beach, enjoying the sun and having nice people to hang out with. I have the world's weirdest sunburn today because I decided to be independent and put sunscreen on my own back, so there's a red patch in the middle where I couldn't reach.
Today I feel sort of sad and crappy again today which sucks because yesterday I was incredibly happy. I guess it's all one day at at time. The stressful thing is everyone asking me what I'm going to do when my contract is over and me not having a super good answer. I know that if I go back to Canada it will be hard to find a job and to survive, especially because I have no place of my own to go back to and pretty much a few boxes of books to my name. The last thing I want to do is to go back to Starbucks and there are lots of reasons to stay in Singapore or to stay Internationally teaching, but at the same time I do really miss home and want to be with Ben again. The big question here is what do you do when the contract is over and I guess the answer will come slowly and form itself. I just wish I had a better answer to give people than to smile and laugh and shake my head.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
BBQ
Work keeps me pretty busy so I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. You will be pleased to know that I am still on my health kick, going to Zumba class and walking more. Also, still on the quit train which is not as hard as it's been in the past.
The really good thing these days is that I met a new friend through the beauty we know as facebook. She taught in the Dominican Republic with a girl I went to teacher's college with who put us in touch when she found out that her friend was coming here to Singapore. Her name is Kyla and we have lots in common and I think will be good friends. We went to Zumba class this weekend together and I invited her to a barbeque at a guy from school's condo with Iain and we had a really great time. The people there were all really nice, from all over the place, Austria, France, Sweden, Singapore, UK. Expats are all an interesting breed, I think it takes a certain personality type to move across the world so we tend to get along with each other.
This week is a short week because of National Day, which is great because some of the people from the party invited Kyla and I to go surfing at the wave house at Sentosa which I think is going to be a pretty cool challenge. I've never been surfing and I generally tend to avoid physical activity but my new health kick says to go for it and enjoy myself. Also, it won't hurt to work on my tan...
The really good thing these days is that I met a new friend through the beauty we know as facebook. She taught in the Dominican Republic with a girl I went to teacher's college with who put us in touch when she found out that her friend was coming here to Singapore. Her name is Kyla and we have lots in common and I think will be good friends. We went to Zumba class this weekend together and I invited her to a barbeque at a guy from school's condo with Iain and we had a really great time. The people there were all really nice, from all over the place, Austria, France, Sweden, Singapore, UK. Expats are all an interesting breed, I think it takes a certain personality type to move across the world so we tend to get along with each other.
This week is a short week because of National Day, which is great because some of the people from the party invited Kyla and I to go surfing at the wave house at Sentosa which I think is going to be a pretty cool challenge. I've never been surfing and I generally tend to avoid physical activity but my new health kick says to go for it and enjoy myself. Also, it won't hurt to work on my tan...
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